Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize