remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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