I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
