you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
