So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i love accidental penises.
im holly from the hills drunk
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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