GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
