those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's blow job season.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize