too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
