Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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