I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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