Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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