Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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