Only a mothe r could love this liver
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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