so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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