her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
