just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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