Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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