Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
