THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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