i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
