Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
