Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
