Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
