i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
