Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
