It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
