She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize