Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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