I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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