That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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