can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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