i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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