im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
