I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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