Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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