He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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