You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just cropdusted the office
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
