I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
