if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
