So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
