I'm pants shitting drunk right now
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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