Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
