New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
