when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
