New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
