i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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