Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
