You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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