So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
