I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
