come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
