Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
