I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize