i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
