I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
