There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you didnt know i had herpes?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
