Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize