So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
