It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
