I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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