The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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