Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
