When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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