Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
