singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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