ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
