The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
