ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
