i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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